2021 QCup Rules 'Fluff-ified'

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Queso Cup Rules - Fluff interpretation for Florida residents...

Shotgun Starts:

All shotgun starts shall be preceded by the actual discharge of a shotgun, which is preceded by a shot of bourbon. (Texas state law requires the use of alcohol while discharging any firearm.) It is assumed that at least one member in each cart will be “carrying.” They may not, however, “accidentally” discharge their personal firearm during an opponent’s backswing while yelling “squirrel” more than once during a round. (Squirrels are good-eat’n in Texas.)

Ball markers:

In accordance with Texas Golf Association Rules, live shotgun rounds shall serve as ball markers.

Golf boots:

The course prefers that golfers wear silver-tipped, lizard-skin golf boots without metal spikes or spurs.

Golf carts:

The course suggests that all players please use the gun racks provided on each cart for their personal firearms. Each golf cart, of course, comes equipped with one or more fully loaded weapons. (If you did not bring a gun, you can obtain one at any state-owned liquor store.)

Personal alcohol on course:

Personal alcohol on the course is not permitted. Each cart is loaded with Lone Star. Ball washers, toilets, and course lakes are also filled with Lone Star.

Lost balls:

In the case of a potential lost ball, if a ball is found of the same brand then it shall be deemed to be the player’s ball despite being of a different number and having a different logo.

If we play a course more than once it is perfectly acceptable to play a ball in the current round that was lost in a previous round without incurring a penalty stroke.

Any ball featuring a NASCAR or rodeo logo suffers no penalty whatsoever.

Out of bounds:

Conventional USGA out-of bounds rules apply with the following exceptions:

1) The ball is placed where it went out of bounds with one penalty stroke (the penalty stroke being of course waived if opposing team representatives are too drunk to notice that you forgot to add it in).

2) If your ball can be kicked in-bounds without anyone from opposing team noticing, it is permitted.

3) Adjoining private property is always out-of bounds unless the yard is also occupied by a pick-up truck with a gun rack or bass boat trailer missing one or more tires as is usually the case. In such case, the ball shall be played where it lies with no penalty despite the need to cross a four-lane, gravel and dirt highway.

4) If your ball comes to lie in a BBQ joint (which is likely), you can pick it up without penalty and move it in-bounds provided that you purchase a BBQ brisket sandwich with queso sauce and all the “fixins” from the proprietor, who most often is named Sugar Ray, Big Daddy Earl, or Jimmy Joe Richardson, IV.

Gimmes:

Absolutely no Gimmes are permitted unless, of course, you can convincingly act as if you are casually “scraping” the ball into the hole in such a way that requires no thought or alignment even though it is a tricky downhill curving putt and you ultimately miss it. In other words, there is no change to this rule despite being in Texas.

Scoring:

We are pleased to announce that scoring will be audited by Andrew Fastow, former CFO of the great Texas company Enron. Mr. Fastow says that he has some free time. Mr. Fastow is happy to accept gratuities to “keep it fair,” in his words. The winner this year will be announced by Brian Cullinan, formerly of PricewaterhouseCoopers and Oscars fame, who also apparently has some free time.Click this text to start editing. This block is a basic combination of a title and a paragraph. Use it to welcome visitors to your website, or explain a product or service without using an image. Try keeping the paragraph short and breaking off the text-only areas of your page to keep your website interesting to visitors.Click this text to start editing. This block is a basic combination of a title and a paragraph. Use it to welcome visitors to your website, or explain a product or service without using an image. Try keeping the paragraph short and breaking off the text-only areas of your page to keep your website interesting to visitors.